On The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos podcast, she talked about a method of mindfulness called “R.A.I.N”.
R stands for Recognize-recognize and acknowledge what you are feeling
A for allow (as in allow yourself to feel those feelings)
I is for investigate (look at what’s beneath the feelings)
N for nurture: nurture yourself; be kind to yourself.
I find these kinds of things very helpful in dealing with my emotions, especially in the last few months. One of the things I talked about a while back was something I read about “you have to feel it to heal it”. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings can be scary. But it truly is an essential part of the healing process. My feelings are all over the place (which is pretty normal I think). One minute I will be doing okay and the next minute I am sobbing uncontrollably. One moment I will think I am going to be okay like I promised Tom that I would be. The next minute I’m thinking that I lied when I said that. I find myself getting unreasonably angry when I hear someone griping about their husband. I want to scream “Don’t you realize how lucky you are to still have your husband?”. When I look below that, I know those feelings have a lot more to do with my own grief than they do with the person who is telling their story. And the reality is, I got mad and sometimes griped about Tom too. Things were great between us, but they were not perfect.
This is not a journey I want to be on, but here I am. I am thankful for every single day I had with Tom and I am angry that I can’t have more. That’s where my feelings are this morning.
R stands for Recognize-recognize and acknowledge what you are feeling
A for allow (as in allow yourself to feel those feelings)
I is for investigate (look at what’s beneath the feelings)
N for nurture: nurture yourself; be kind to yourself.
I find these kinds of things very helpful in dealing with my emotions, especially in the last few months. One of the things I talked about a while back was something I read about “you have to feel it to heal it”. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings can be scary. But it truly is an essential part of the healing process. My feelings are all over the place (which is pretty normal I think). One minute I will be doing okay and the next minute I am sobbing uncontrollably. One moment I will think I am going to be okay like I promised Tom that I would be. The next minute I’m thinking that I lied when I said that. I find myself getting unreasonably angry when I hear someone griping about their husband. I want to scream “Don’t you realize how lucky you are to still have your husband?”. When I look below that, I know those feelings have a lot more to do with my own grief than they do with the person who is telling their story. And the reality is, I got mad and sometimes griped about Tom too. Things were great between us, but they were not perfect.
This is not a journey I want to be on, but here I am. I am thankful for every single day I had with Tom and I am angry that I can’t have more. That’s where my feelings are this morning.
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