September resolution list
August was a really hard month and so much of September’s resolutions are going to be repeats of August.

Walk 25 minutes a day/get 9,000-10,000 steps a day Monday-Friday

Choose three of these five items to work on every weekday: de-clutter, paperwork, house, working on classes, writing

Post in blog and in business Facebook group daily

Track food and blood sugar/drink at least 80 oz of water a day

Devotional/bible study/prayer journal daily

Fruits and veggies: fruit at breakfast and after supper and veggies at lunch and supper
​
Monitor spending
​
Read self-help book each weekday 

Today is the last day of my first week alone. It has had lots of ups and downs, but I am making it. I decided to resume my "normal" schedule Monday morning, but it isn't normal anymore. A large part of my day was spent taking care of Tom. Now that I don't have that anymore, there are days that I have finished my to-do list by 9:00 a.m. (I'm a very early riser most days). I know as time goes on, I will create a new routine and my days will fill back up again. I also plan to resume training in a few weeks so that will help as well. 

I am going to take the weekend off from posting and be back Monday. On Monday, I will post my resolution list for September. 

​

​I would hold your hand forever,
If we could stay together,
In this moment, I would freeze time,
If you could always be mine.
Time just goes by so fast,
And I remember the past.
You’ve always had my heart,
I thought we’d never be apart.
Some day you won’t be there,
I’ll reach over and touch air.
Every day I just pray,
That it won’t end this way.
When we go to bed tonight,
I plan to hold you so tight.
I’ll hold your hand forever,
If we can stay together. 

For obvious reasons, the last couple of weeks of my resolutions have been rather hit and miss. What I'm going to do today is focus on what I've done well the last couple of weeks. 

I walked/exercised every day. I still hit 10,000 steps on several of those days. 

I did my devotional/Bible study/prayer journal every day

I monitored my spending every day. 

I met my eating goals, drank my water, and tracked my blood sugar and food intake most days. 

​

I want to share some of the poems I've written over the last few months. This one is called "If I'd Known"

​If I’d known
If I’d known it was the last time,
I’d have held you a little tighter,
I’d have kissed you a little deeper,
I’d have loved you a little harder.
If I’d known it was the last time.
 
If I’d known it was the last time,
I’d have hugged you a little tighter,
I’d have held you a little longer,
I’d have held it in my heart,
If I’d known it was the last time.
 
If I’d known it was the last time,
I’d have remembered it a little better,
I’d have treasured it even more,
I’d have made it last forever.
If I’d known it was the last time. 

Since I think most of my readers are friends with me on Facebook, you already know that Tom passed away last Tuesday, which is why I have been MIA. I'm trying to resume my regular routine this week and so that means posting blogs again. 

Today I want to talk about the promises I made to Tom. One day, a few weeks ago, when we were talking, Tom told me that he didn't want me to lose all the progress I'd made in taking care of myself this year when he was gone. I promised him that I would not. The kids also made it their mission to make sure I didn't and both of our daughters went on walks with me all last week. So I have still been walking every day and even managed to get 10,000 steps some of the days. Today was the first morning I had walked by myself since last Monday. It was weird, but I did it and I'm thankful for it.

Last week, I told Tom that I didn't want him to worry about me after he was gone-that I was going to be okay. He looked at me and said "Really?" and I said "Yes. I'm going to miss you like crazy but you have made me a better and stronger person so I'm going to be okay". 

So you may think it's strange that I'm still doing all the walking around town, but I'm keeping my promises to Tom. I started this whole Happiness Project because I knew what was coming. God knew exactly what I needed. So while I know this is not going to be easy and I miss Tom like crazy, I am going to be okay. I have to be, I promised Tom. 

I set myself another goal last week of getting 10,000 steps on the weekdays along with 9 of 9 hours active. I met the 9 of 9 hours every week day and here's my step report:

Monday: 10,135
Tuesday: 10,477
Wednesday: 10.687
Thursday: 11,313
Friday: 10.857

A few years ago, I came up with a thing I called "Five things I'll do today". I was struggling with depression and being overwhelmed and basically struggling to accomplish anything. The idea of the list was that I chose five things I would do that day and once I got those done, if I didn't feel like doing more, I could stop. What usually happened was that I would get those five things done and the momentum would keep me going and I could get a lot more accomplished. You can read that original post here: https://www.healthyplayfulliving.com/home/five-things-ill-do-today

As you already know, this year I created a Happiness Project based on Gretchen Rubin's book "The Happiness Project" and have been adding stuff to my resolution chart each month. With Tom's illness progressing and things changing daily, I have struggled to meet my goals every day. I decided it was time for a "Five things I'll do today" re-do. Basically, as long as I do my devotional/bible study, exercise, grading in my online classes, and two other things I choose, I will let myself off the hook if I don't feel like doing more. It has reached a point where I am getting up during the night to give Tom pain medicine which means neither of us is getting a full night's sleep. I think resting and taking care of myself when I can is essential. The good news is that usually once I do a few things, I feel like doing more. But when I don't-I'm going to allow myself to rest. 

More on negative programming from Shad Helmstetter's book:

According to the book, behavioral researchers say that as much as 77% of what we tell ourselves is negative, counterproductive, and works against us. From my own personal experience, I would say that is pretty accurate. What are your thoughts on these numbers?

Now much of this programming has good intentions. After all, when you tell your child not to jump on the bed-you are really just trying to keep them safe. The thing is-this programming is everywhere. The news, the internet, advertising, etc. We don't even realize that we are being programmed. Our brain just hears these things and internalizes them. Helmstetter says repetition is very powerful and we eventually live out what we have created in our minds. 

What are the negative things you tell yourself? Some of mine are "I'm being ridiculous", "I am not good at that", "I don't have time", "this is so hard". 

I recently read (and am now re-reading) a book called "What to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmstetter. This book is so interesting and thought provoking that it has a lot of blog post ideas swirling around in my head. 

The first one I want to talk about today is negative programming. In the book, Helmstetter mentions that most children by the age of 18 have heard the word no and what they cannot do an average of 148,000 times. They've heard what they CAN do much less frequently. Now whether the number he gives is accurate or not isn't really important. Because the fact that we tell children what not to do much more than what to do is a fact. Helmstetter spends a lot of time talking about how our brains only know to do what we tell it to do. For children, we are programming them from a very young age what they can't do. "Don't run in the house", "Don't jump on the bed", "Don't hit your sister". What children need to know is what they can do. "You may run in place or you may run outside", "You may jump on the floor or sit on the bed", "If your sister took a toy away, use your words and tell her to give it back". Even as adults, if I tell you "Don't think about pink elephants". What are you thinking about right now? Pink elephants. But if I say, "Think of yourself as a kind and caring person", what are you thinking of now? In other words, what we say to ourselves (and others) matters a lot! Here's something else to consider-what we say to children when they are young becomes their inner voice. 

So today I want to challenge you to spend some time thinking about those internal messages you tell yourself. Try to start re-programming them. Instead of "I'm so tired", try telling yourself "I'm full of energy and I will get a lot accomplished today". Instead of "I'm so stupid, I shouldn't have done that", try "I made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. I've learned from this mistake and will not do it again". 

We are going to talk some more about negative programming in tomorrow's post, so stay tuned.