​Do you find yourself dividing your life into “befores and afters”?
 
I was thinking about some of the befores and afters of my own life.
There was the “before my brother was killed” and the “after my brother was killed”.
There was the “before we had the house fire” and “after we had the house fire”
There was the “before cancer” and the “after cancer”
And now there’s the “before Tom died” and “after Tom died”.
Of course, there are a lot of other “befores and afters”, but these are some of the big ones. What are some of the “befores and afters” of your life?

This week’s update on Happiness Project 2.0:

1. 11,000 steps MWF’s/10,000 steps T/Th’s: I reached my goal all of those days
2. Walk 20 minutes each day: did this all seven days
3. Sleep 7-8 hours a night: five of the seven nights again (it’s harder on the weekends lol).
4. Read 21 minutes a day: all seven days. Some days I am reading something fun (like my current mystery novel) and some days I am reading something a little more serious. I finished reading through The Happiness Project book again and now I am re-reading another book by Gretchen Rubin, Better than Before about habit changes.
5. Work on “Facts of Life” information: five of the five days I planned to (my goal is to work on it Monday-Friday). I have made progress on creating a document with all of my pertinent information in it (date of birth, parent’s and children’s names, etc). I also ordered a fireproof document bag to store everything in.
6. Household chores: five of the last seven days
7. One sentence journal: every day. Writing one sentence a day is both easier and harder than I thought. Some days I want to write a lot more and some days I struggle to think of one thing to say.
8. Keep up certain 2020 resolutions:

1. Paperwork: five of the last seven days (it’s another thing that my goal is 5 days a week or as needed
2. Devotional/prayer journal: every day
3. Post in Facebook group: every day
4. Write in blog: every day
5. Drink water: every day
6. De-clutter: five days. Again, my goal is to do this Monday-Friday so I met that goal. The basement is looking pretty good, if I do say so myself. I am getting to some of the stuff that I have no idea what to do with, so I need to work on figuring that out.
7. Work on creating new classes: I have worked on this five days (my goal is five days a week M-F). I created two new classes that are one hour informal trainings at the request of a center director that I am doing some classes for next week. I plan to take at least one of them and develop it into a two hour webinar.
8. Fruits/veggies: six of the last seven days

​On The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos podcast, she talked about a method of mindfulness called “R.A.I.N”.
R stands for Recognize-recognize and acknowledge what you are feeling
A for allow (as in allow yourself to feel those feelings)
I is for investigate (look at what’s beneath the feelings)
N for nurture: nurture yourself; be kind to yourself.
 
I find these kinds of things very helpful in dealing with my emotions, especially in the last few months. One of the things I talked about a while back was something I read about “you have to feel it to heal it”. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings can be scary. But it truly is an essential part of the healing process. My feelings are all over the place (which is pretty normal I think). One minute I will be doing okay and the next minute I am sobbing uncontrollably. One moment I will think I am going to be okay like I promised Tom that I would be. The next minute I’m thinking that I lied when I said that. I find myself getting unreasonably angry when I hear someone griping about their husband. I want to scream “Don’t you realize how lucky you are to still have your husband?”. When I look below that, I know those feelings have a lot more to do with my own grief than they do with the person who is telling their story. And the reality is, I got mad and sometimes griped about Tom too. Things were great between us, but they were not perfect.
This is not a journey I want to be on, but here I am. I am thankful for every single day I had with Tom and I am angry that I can’t have more. That’s where my feelings are this morning. 

Since last week, I have been working every morning in the basement on decluttering. Today was trash day and when I looked out and saw that all the stuff I had put out was picked up, I just felt "lighter" and a sense of accomplishment and peace. I am just doing a tiny bit at a time each morning, but those tiny bits are adding up to great progress. I originally started on it back in the fall, but ended up stopping "for a few days" because of my allergies. Well, that ended up turning into weeks. So now I am back at it so I can get it crossed off my 21 for 21 list! With what I accomplished last fall and what I have done in the last week and a half; it is starting to look pretty empty down there. Go me! 

Wow, I really overloaded and overbooked myself this month (and especially this week!). 

I taught in Duncan last Saturday (and doing the second half of the class there this Saturday). 

I have three webinars scheduled this week (Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday).

I have classes to teach on Monday the 18th

A webinar next Tuesday and a class in Norman next Thursday.

Two day class on Saturday and Sunday the 23rd and 24th.

A class in Norman on the 27th.

Three classes in Midwest City on the evening of the 29th and all day on the 30th. 

Ya'll pray for me lol! 

Monday: 11,539 steps
Tuesday: 10,074 steps
Wednesday: 11,120 steps
Thursday: 10,514 steps
Friday: 11,301 steps. Friday was quite a challenge because I drove to Lawton so I was in my car a large part of the day. But I made it! Woohoo!
​

I have been re-reading Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project book to prepare myself for the New Year. It's interesting how when you read something more than once, different things stand out to you at different times. 

Have you ever considered keeping an "interest log" and just writing down notes of things that interest you? I have been keeping my little notebook of ideas for a while and I have a note app on my phone that I use quite a bit; especially when I can't get to my notebook right away. I decided to put a notepad beside my bed for when I get ideas as I am going to sleep (or if I wake up with one in the middle of the night). I figure it will also help me when my mind starts wandering with things I need to do the next day, I can just write it down on the notepad and then I'll see it in the morning. 

How do you keep track of your ideas and interests? 

​Recently, an Oklahoma family child care provider passed away due to complications of COVID. I did not know her well, but I had met her at some trainings. From what I understand, she had no underlying health issues. She leaves behind two young children (not to mention other family and friends, and the other children she cared for and their families who are now heartbroken too).
This brings back to the fore front of my mind something I mentioned several months ago. When all of this started back in the spring, DHS begged providers to stay open and provide care for Oklahoma’s children so that essential workers would have a place to take their children. Many of the ones I know have stayed open through all or most of this pandemic. Most of them lost significant amounts of income and faced increased expenses due to the increased cleaning and other protocols associated with the pandemic. Dozens of programs ended up closing down and not re-opening; leaving families all over the state without quality child care.
What is being done to protect these essential workers? The short answer is: nothing really. Much talk and action has been taken to protect teachers and office workers (and rightfully so); but early childhood educators have basically been expected to continue on as usual-other than the new protocols they now have to implement to help keep themselves and the children safe. They are the ones who are watching school-age children who are involved in virtual learning. They are already severely underpaid and many of them are uninsured or underinsured. Then what happens if they get sick? They are more than likely then going to be in severe medical debt.
I don’t pretend to have any idea what the answers are for this, but I do firmly believe that we should all stand together and demand better wages for these people. Many of them have just as much education as public school teachers and make a small fraction of what those teachers are paid-and we already know THEY are underpaid as well. The people taking care of our youngest population deserve to make much better wages than they do. They are forming the next generation of people. Don’t believe me? Look into some research on all of the development that happens in a child’s first three to five years of life.
Let’s stand together and ask for better. Child care in this country (and especially this state) is in severe crisis. 

Week 1 of 2021 is done! Here’s my update on my 2021 Happiness Project 2.0:

1. 11,000 steps MWF’s/10,000 steps T/Th’s: I reached my goal all of those days
2. Walk 20 minutes each day: did this all seven days
3. Sleep 7-8 hours a night: five of the seven nights
4. Read 21 minutes a day: all seven days
5. Work on “Facts of Life” information: four of the last seven days
6. Household chores: four of the last seven days
7. One sentence journal: every day
8. Keep up certain 2020 resolutions:

1. Paperwork: three of the last seven days: I’ve started organizing to get ready for taxes; blech. Good news is that I am already more organized than I have probably ever been. Lol.
2. Devotional/prayer journal: every day
3. Post in Facebook group: five of the last seven days
4. Write in blog: every day
5. Drink water: every day
6. De-clutter: four of the last seven days: I started back working in the basement this week. I have already hauled several things out to the trash, and I will keep chipping away at it all month.
7. Work on creating new classes: four of the last seven days
8. Fruits/veggies: five of the last seven days