​Yesterday, I was asked a question that I was not sure how to answer. It’s not the first time I’ve faced this question since Tom died, but it is the first time I’ve had to answer it out loud.
 
“Are you married or single?”
 
 
It was a question on my paperwork when I started my new job. I just took a deep breath and checked “single”; even though in my mind, I’m still married. But I guess for legal and tax purposes, I’m single.
Then yesterday, I was asked the question out loud. I could not bring myself to say single. Finally, I just said “I’m a widow”. Then I figured she could check whichever box she needed to check, and I wouldn’t have to know. It got me thinking, how do other widows/widowers handle this question? I mean, I will forever be married to Tom in my heart. But I guess I have many more years ahead of me answering this question. 

​            I was watching a webinar last week on Social-Emotional Development for young children and the speaker mentioned the importance of “joyspotting”. This is the act of watching out for the joyful moments throughout the day and putting your attention on those. This was said in relation to working with young children, but it struck me as being so true for us as adults too.
            How often do we put our focus on the negative aspects of our day? How often do we let a bad moment turn into an entire bad day? There is a lot of negativity in the world and letting it take over our life steals the moments of joy. When I do a class, I tend to remember the negative evaluation responses much better than the positive ones. Are there more negative than positive? NO! The positive far outweigh the negative, but I focus on the negative. If you asked me, I could easily list 3-5 negative responses from classes that were years ago.
            So how do we do it? How do we turn from the negative to the positive? How do we spot the joy? Be mindful about it. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, stop and look for the positive. My theory is that even in the worst of circumstances, there is always, always, always something to be thankful for. Look for those things and put your focus there. Remind yourself that the choice to be happy and joyful is up to you. It’s up to you to spot the joy in your life, so let’s get out and do some “joyspotting” today!

Monday: 10,766
Tuesday: 10,301
Wednesday: 10,214
Thursday: 11,876
​Friday: 11,297

Alternatives to complaining:
            Gordon suggests some alternatives to complaining:

1. Practice gratitude. Count your blessings. It’s impossible to be blessed and stressed at the same time.
2. Praise others. Instead of complaining about others, focus on what they are doing right. This is also an important strategy to use with children! Dr. Becky Bailey says, “What you focus on, you get more of”. If you constantly focus on what others are doing wrong, that is all you’re going to see.
3. Focus on success. Gordon suggests starting a success journal where you write down one great thing about your day.
4. Let go. Focus on what you can change and let the other stuff go.
5. Pray and meditate.

 
To get a detailed printout of these alternatives to complaining, go to http://jongordon.com/files/7514/8911/5697/NCR-Poster-5ThingsToDoInsteadOfComplain.pdf
​

​Thanks to my new job, I was recently introduced to a new (to me) author, Jon Gordon. First I read and listened to his book The Energy Bus and then I listened to the audiobook The No Complaining Rule.
One of the first suggestions in the book is to have a complaining fast or a “no complaining day”. The purpose is to become mindful of the complaining you’re doing and redirect yourself. To do that, Gordon offers some suggestions and techniques. I’m going to summarize them in this post. You can find a downloadable poster with a detailed explanation here: http://jongordon.com/files/9514/8911/5696/NCR-Poster-3NoComplainingTools.pdf
First tip is the “but-positive” technique. When you catch yourself complaining about something, stop yourself and say “But…” and then add a positive. For example, “It is so cold outside! But…I am so blessed to live in a warm house”.
Next is the “get to instead of have to” technique. For example, instead of “I have to go to Enid tonight to pick up a prescription”, think “I get to go to Enid tonight and pick up a prescription. I am so lucky to have a car that can take me to Enid and I am so lucky to be able to buy my medication!”.
The third one is the “turn complaints into solutions” technique. There are two types of complaining: mindless complaining and justified complaining. With justified complaining, you identify the problem and then find a solution. “Every complaint represents an opportunity to turn a negative into a positive”.
In my next post, I will share Gordon’s alternatives to complaining. But for today, consider trying a “complaining fast” and try some of these techniques! 

Monday: 10,650
Tuesday: 10,293
Wednesday: 10,862
Thursday: 10,594
​Friday: 11,809

I am having a lot of trouble writing lately. I have started at least three different blog posts and not been able to pull them together or come up with what I want to say. Usually I get ideas rattling around in my head and my writing comes out fairly easily. I am not sure if the new job is overtaxing my brain or what lol. 

So bear with me as I work on getting through this writer's block. 

Monday: 10,0459
Tuesday: 10,818
Wednesday: 10,682
Thursday: 18,868
Friday: 11,077

​Due to meetings, I did not get 9/9 hours active any days last week. 

​Have you heard of “emotional contagion”? It means you can catch the emotions of others. Happy, said, angry, cranky, etc. I’m guessing it is why yawns are so contagious! A few years ago, I was teaching a class and we were meeting on Friday evening/all day Saturday. Friday night went well and then the next morning came. As people were coming in, I was greeting them. When I am teaching a class, I always try to greet each person as they come in. One lady walked in, and I said, “Good morning!”. She looks at me and says, “Don’t even”. I was just thinking whoa!!! As the day went on, it came out that she’d got into an argument with some family members and there was some drama going on. Needless to say, her negative attitude made for a harder day for everyone.
I am not a naturally positive person. Case in point; I was voted Class Pessimist of both my freshman and senior class in high school, lol. Over the years I have met a lot of really positive people and longed to be more like them. At some point I realized that it is indeed a choice. These positive people had bad things going on in their lives, but they chose to be positive. Over the last few years, I have worked really hard to become more positive. It is a work in progress. Being positive does not mean being fake. For me, it means looking for what I can be thankful for in each situation that comes my way. It means allowing myself to feel my feelings but not letting my feelings rule me. It means smiling at people and remembering to be kind. Happiness and positivity are choices. What kind of emotions are you putting out into the world? 

Monday: 10,641 steps; 9/9 hours
Tuesday: 10,415 steps; 9/9 hours
Wednesday: 10,137 steps; 9/9 hours
Thursday: 11,175 steps; 9/9 hours
Friday: 10,778 steps; 9/9 hours

I have a lot of online meetings the next few weeks so getting the 9/9 hours will probably not happen. However, I will still work to get 10,000 steps on weekdays.